


A Return to Something New

by Anonymous



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Exes, Feelings, Fix-It, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Not Season 3 Compliant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-09-14 01:50:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16903845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: "He felt so far away from all of them. Like he’d never known any of them at all and was only now shedding his naivety about them. He knew it wasn’t fair. Knew it was really just his father he was being disillusioned with. But he couldn’t help but shift some of the hurt and suspicion onto everyone else."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I stopped watching Riverdale in season two, but I had a few ideas floating around last year. Thought I'd post this one cuz I hear the joavin shippers might need some cheering up.

"So, you seen him yet?"

It was barely a week and the town still felt like a different planet. The only thing that was the same was Toni's _way_ too obvious raised eyebrows as she took a bite of French fry with the Pop’s takeout bag between them on the roof of her grandfather's trailer.

"See who?"

"Oh my GAWD, DeSantos."

The sky was dark and the street lights glowed orange, soaking up any chance of star gazing. Toni, even now, was glued to her phone. This too was new. _I have a girlfriend now no no one you know her name is Cheryl yeah yeah the little ginger one and hey don't call my girlfriend a nightmare harpy bitch queen she's a mess but under it all she's so warm and hopeful and the more I know her the more it comes out so play nice cuz she's one of us now, so suck it up._ He'd never seen her like this, and under all the judgement and shit he was obligated to give, it was nice to see her so enamored.

"Preppy don't want to see me."

"Don't be so dramatic. It's been months and so much has happened- your weird falling out over all that stuff with FP is like- nothing."

"Not to him it's not." Pop's burgers tasted just the same. A small victory. "And he doesn't even know everything."

"So tell him everything. Come clean about it before things _really_ go Romeo and Juliet level of tits up. Man up. Take charge of your narrative."

~

The kiss in the bathroom was a mistake and he felt guilty about it immediately after. Hooking up with a closeted guy with a girlfriend was all fun and games, really. In the grand scheme of things, it was something he planned to forget about once he got off to college and started dating for real. It seemed so close and so far all at once- just meeting a guy in class and going out for drinks. No more closeted jocks with great bodies who don't want to kiss. No more gang members who smile every time they see him, but clean up dead bodies over the summer. Just normal dating. He'd forget about it all the second he had his first _real_ boyfriend at ucla or nyu.

But this was so much worse. He wouldn't forget kissing a friend two weeks after his girlfriend was murdered. He wouldn't forget how Moose tasted like tears and he'd pushed that away because it felt so damn good to kiss in the daylight.

He tried to apologize later. Tried to explain in a way that wouldn't sound like a rejection. Because it wasn't. But instead he did it again in Moose's car in the school parking lot.

"Hang on-" a compromise, as Moose's hand was on his belt. "Can we uh - maybe take things kinda slow? You know..."

Because the last time we fooled around, we found a dead body. Cuz Midge was a nice girl and I always liked her, even when I wanted to hate her for having you. Because I'm still trying to talk myself out of being here.

"Sure. Yeah. That's a good idea."

Moose's eyes flicked around the lot as they left and it felt dirtier than anything they'd done.

~

FP was sober now and not the king. It was easy to hate him for it. Stepping down made everything that happened the summer before feel empty and meaningless. Like if he'd just stalled a few months, just kept his mouth shut, just met Kevin at a different time, things would be different.

"Good man- came back home when your family needed you."

Something in his face must have given away his thoughts, because FP cleared his throat and tried again.

"You sticking around now, kid?"

"Doubt it."

"The whole mess- loose ends are tied up. I never told anyone I had help with the Blossom boy."

"Am I supposed to thank you?"

"No dammit- kid, I'm just trying to say- you can do what you want. Stay, go- it's up to you this time. No one's chasing you."

That seemed unlikely. But Sweetpea had actually lifted him up off the ground when he saw him and Fangs almost cried. Granted, Fangs almost always looked like he was about to cry, but it was still nice to know they'd missed him.

"I dunno. Sounds like the new Pop’s is gunna be nice."

~

His dad joined the park rangers. It was the kind of thing that would have been a positive change under different circumstances. They were arguing a lot. They weren't used to it and the result was quiet terse dinners and notes left on the breakfast table if anything important needed to be communicated.

"Minnetta won't last, you know that." He was trying. It felt forced and empty, but he was trying to say the right things again. It used to come so easy. "Don't sweat it."

"Doesn't matter." He even chewed tensely now. Quite an accomplishment with spaghetti. "I'm no good for the force. I'm not going back."

"Dad, just because you didn't catch one guy fast enough-"

"It's not the black hood, son." He sighed and sat back. "It's the whole mess. When I took the sheriff's office, everyone said it was a small town, nothing crazy ever happened here."

"This last year has been-"

"It wasn't true." His father suddenly looked older than he ever had before. "It was never true. This town has always been a wreck, but we were all too used to it to do anything about it."

"You can't solve crime by yourself, dad."

"Coulda put in a bit more effort."

He hated this. He wanted to return to last summer. When he had nothing but any unrequited crush on Moose. When he couldn't wait to hear about Betty confessing her feelings to Archie. When his father was a good man and a good cop.

~

The new Pop’s wasn't officially open yet, but they still lingered there, having lost the Wurm. The Lodge girl had made it clear that they weren't expected to work on the place, but most of them cleared trash and stripped wallpaper whenever they had the chance. FP seemed to like the idea. Seemed to think it would make the place more theirs.

"With all you handsome hooligans so hard working and talented, who needs contractors?" Veronica clapped her hands together as she surveyed the basement bar. Jughead rolled his eyes and grinned in a way that tried to indicate to the rest of them the girl meant no harm or offence with the moniker. "It's looking great!"

"Of course it is," Toni's girl Cheryl had been dramatically draping various shades of red velvet over the old booths and comparing them with an intensity most reserved for brain surgery. "Say what you will about bikers, but my new family has always known a good aesthetic and how to cultivate it. This place is going to be tres chic, yet mysterious, V. I promise."

Toni shot him a look, like she knew he was about to make a face at her girlfriend's ridiculously pompous personality. He shook his head and tried to suppress a grin as he dug through the trash behind the bar. There were mostly empty bottles, stacks of advertisements, and what looked like the first telephone ever made.

"What are these?" Cheryl had started to flip through the ads he had saved out separate from the trash pile.

"Ah- Don't toss those." He stood and resisted the urge to snatch the papers from her. "Those ones are in good shape and, they're like- antiques, you know? Thought we could frame them or something."

"You have a good eye, my dashing delinquent." She took her time flipping through the stack, then stuck out a hand. "Cheryl Blossom."

"Yeah, I know." He shook her hand but for a moment, when her eyes narrowed, he thought she knew.

"That's right. I saw you at that house party last fall. That would make you Kevin's ex paramour, wouldn't it?"

"Something like that."

~

Once again, everyone else's tragedies were worse than his own. He hadn't told anyone about Moose because Archie was being questioned for murder, which meant Veronica was throwing herself into absolutely any and every problem within her reach but trying to pretend it would all be sorted with a quick brunch with her parents. Betty was still fighting her way back from finding out about her father. And Polly was back in town, which should be a comfort, but wasn't for some reason he wasn't clear on yet because Betty could hardly explain anything without breaking down when it came to her family.

To be honest, part of him didn't want to think about his own life right now. So when Veronica texted to ask if he could bring some tools down to Pop’s basement, he didn't question it.

"Don't hurt yourself doing that with your hands, I have more sets of pliers on the way."

Veronica's clear voice met him on the stairs before he saw anyone at all. On arriving, it was clear the place was mostly serpents, but not entirely. He could see Reggie in one corner, helping Sweetpea with any old defunct radiator. Jughead should have tipped him off. the way his eyes flicked up to him, then shot across the room. They were never close, but usually Jughead attempted a nod in greeting at least.

"Kev!" Veronica was definitely speaking louder than usual. She was clearly trying something new- had donned a pair of black skinny jeans and a vintage t-shirt and there was actually a hammer in her manicured hand and evidence of where she had pulled nails out of some splintered shelving. "Our rescuer. Everyone, the gallant Mr. Keller has brought us more tools to speed things up."

A few people approached him to see if he had what they needed, and soon enough, his dad's toolbox was empty.

"I could have brought food too if you needed. I didn't realize so many people would be here."

"No, this is just what we needed, thank you."

He didn't like the way Veronica was beaming at him. It felt like he was her project just as much as the speakeasy. He was so busy trying to work out what her game was, he almost didn't see her raise her eyebrows at someone behind him.

"Uh- hey... Preppy."

~

Veronica flounced off the moment Kevin turned to see him. He looked stiff and more tense than ever before.

"...You're back."

"Yeah." He shuffled the ads just to have something to do with his hands. "Heard about Fangs and just- You know- wanted to be here."

Kevin nodded and surveyed the room at large rather than meet his eyes for longer than a few seconds.

"Was glad to hear he's okay."

"Yeah, Fogarty's tougher than he looks."

This was worse than he could have imagined. Forced polite small talk had never been his forte.

"Well, I guess there's not much danger for you anymore. My dad stepped down, did they tell you? Mr. Lodge has got one of his minions in the sheriff's office. I doubt her cares all that much about--" he stopped himself, as if suddenly realizing that bringing up the Blossom kid’s body was not such a good idea with Cheryl only a few yards away-- "students dropping out."

He didn't even know Sweetpea was in earshot before he snorted.

"You think your dad ever gave a damn about kids skipping out?"

Kevin blinked, but took the taller boys aggressive tone in stride.

"You didn't see him track down Jughead and give him the 'throwing your life away' lecture when he ran away freshman year."

"Yeah, well that's a pasty kid called Jones." Sweetpea never knew when to shut up. "I think truancy files with names like DeSantos get chucked in the 'Acceptable Loss' drawer."

His throat was tight at the look, half stricken, half confused, on Kevin's face. He hadn't wanted this. He'd wanted to quietly ask if they could talk. If they could be alone. So he could come clean about everything the way Toni said. But now he couldn't. Because Sweetpea was a fucking loudmouth and both their friends kept shooting looks at them across the room and Kevin still loved his father and trusted him to always be right.

"Go lift something heavy, Sweets." He grabbed his bag and gathered up the ads. "Good to see you, Kevin."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The biggest crime of the Riverdale writing room is that Tom Keller and Joaquin DeSantos never met face to face.

It started a fight between them, all the worse because they really didn’t know how to have a fight. It happened too fast for him to even be upset about the rift growing between them.

“So, I heard a lot of the Southside kids miss a lot of class.”

“Yeah?”

“I was just thinking it’s sad. A lot of them want to be there but get caught up in work and family stuff- then the gangs.” Silence. “Feel like Minnetta’s not all that worried about pursuing truancy.”

“Well, there’s only so much to do about kids like that.”

He blinked and set down his fork calmer than he felt. His face was already burning.

“Kids… like that?”

A pause while his father chewed. “On the Southside. You know how rough it is. When you see it over and over again, it’s sad, but you expect some kids to miss school, even go missing.”

He’d never shouted at his father before.

“Jesus _Christ_ , Dad! Are you _serious_?”

“What’s gotten into-“

“What? Do you just get the reports, look at their name and address, and decide whether or not they’re worth bothering with or just another statistic?”

It went on for hours. He left out the front door and didn’t let himself start crying until he was halfway across town. He didn’t know where he was going. He didn’t want to talk to Veronica or Betty or Archie. He didn’t want to see Moose, even if it might help him forget about the fight. He ended up in Fox Forest.

~

He was at the Jones trailer because there was nowhere else for him. FP did feel bad about everything, and Jughead was learning to pick his battles. They were eating takeout in the living room with one of the early Bond films playing in the background when a thundering knock on the door sounded. After everything that had happened in the past year, all three of them jumped.

“FP- open up. It’s Tom Keller.”

He was already halfway to the bedroom window when the sound of his own name made his gut drop.

“Joaquin DeSantos? Sorry, never heard of him.” FP couldn’t even bother to keep the “fuck the fuzz” drawl out of his voice.

“Word is he does some work for you and the Serpents.”

“I don’t run with the gang anymore.”

“And I turned in my badge. Come on, FP. He’s not in any trouble. I just want to talk to him.”

Jughead was watching him from the bedroom door, and seemed torn between his obligation to stand with his fellow serpents, and amusement at the particular social predicament.

“You gunna help me here?”

The window was small and high above his shoulders. There was a rickety table in the corner, but it was covered in stacks of paper and an ancient typewriter. He wasn’t paying any attention to the conversation at the door anymore. Before he had even started to move the typewriter, FP was calling for them to come back to the living area.

“How’s it going-“ Jughead only stumbled for a fraction of a second over not saying “Sheriff”- “Mr. Keller?”

“Not bad, Jughead.” Keller offered a tight smile. He turned his attention and gave him a cursory once over. “Joaquin DeSantos?”

“If you want.” He crossed his arms because part of his caveman lizard brain wanted to keep something between the man and his vital organs.

“You mind if we have a word?”

FP raised his eyebrows from the kitchen. _If you don’t want to we’ll chase him off._ He appreciated it, but shrugged.

“Sure.”

Outside, Keller leaned up against his truck and crossed his arms. He kept his distance, in case he needed to run.

“So, I’m not on the force anymore,” despite what he was saying, he still spoke in an accusatory sort of tone of constant authority. “This isn’t official, it’s just a heads up.”

His mouth had never been so dry. He wondered if there was anything to be worried about if he could feel his pulse in the bottom of his feet, or if it was possible to bruise your heart against your ribs.

“You’ve got a considerable truancy file at the station. Started when you were about fourteen. Spotty attendance for over a year, then four months ago- no attendance at all. The school couldn’t get ahold of your parents, so Principal Bluebird was the one to report you officially missing.”

He listened without comment while the former sheriff rattled through the explanation. He was still trying to read what this was really about. Which Northside boy he had no business knowing. The one who left blood soaked into his sneakers, or the one who’d left bite marks on his neck. He couldn’t read the man’s eyes well enough to tell.

“I’m letting you know that I’m passing on the case to the new sheriff. Since you’re right here, the missing part will be thrown out.  But a long standing truancy like yours is going to be pursued. But…” his fists were punched deep into his pockets as he spoke. “Minnetta finds you back in class? He’s got plenty going on. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind tossing one truancy file out of the “active” pile and into the trash.”

He couldn’t help it, he laughed. It was too much to imagine that their conversation was _actually_ about him and not Keller’s son or a murder victim.

“You’re kidding me.”

“I’m sure you’ve heard that Southside school district has been absorbed into Riverdale High. It’s crowded, but grades of your classmates from south of the river are on the rise since the move.” He shrugged. “This might be the perfect time to go back.”

~

He was drinking now. He told himself it was better than the alternatives. It had never been an issue before, so his father didn’t keep his liquor locked away. It was just late at night when he couldn’t sleep, but it still felt like the start of something worse.

He and his father were almost better. But still somehow worse. The terse genialness felt fine in the moment, then bothered him later with its emptiness.

“Gunna be late. Wrestling practice.”

“Alright, go get’m kid. I’ll leave some dinner in the fridge.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

Over and over again. Conversations they would have had exactly the same before, but now like lines in a play they had been doing for far too long to care anymore.

“You okay?”

Moose. Behind the gym. They only met for this behind somewhere. It should have bothered him, but Moose was solid and warm and liked to talk in the sort of sweet way that boys who don’t get to very often do.

“Yeah, of course. Why?”

“You’re just…” Moose’s hands always played at a sort of intimacy. They grabbed experimentally at his jacket, then smoothed it in fluttering, jerky movements. “Not real present right now.”

He blinked. Moose always fooled him with how average he seemed until he said something perceptive.

“Don’t worry about it.”

He leaned in again, hoping the contact would keep him grounded because Moose was, above all, exactly what he needed.

“I _am_ , though.” Moose pulled back. “Worried. I know-“ he pressed his lips together and took a breath before going on. “I know I’m… I’m going through some stuff and you have to be patient with me. And I know it’s not fair and it sucks for you but…” he cleared his throat. His breath smelled like the mints he chewed obsessively before they kissed every time. “I don’t want you to think I don’t really care about you or something. I do.”

He nodded, because his throat was tight. He kissed Moose hard and kept his hands on his jacket.

~

The truck followed him from the trailer park to the diner the next Monday morning.

“Hey- school’s the other way.”

He didn’t know what to say, so he kept walking while the pickup rolled along the street next to him.

“Hop in. I can give you a ride.”

He shot the former sheriff a weary, sidelong look.

“I don’t get into cars with strangers.”

“Tom Keller. Check my references. Now we’re not strangers.” When he did not respond, a sigh. “If we head straight there, you’ll only be about twenty minutes late. I’ll smooth things over so they don’t give you a hard time your first day back.”

“It’s not my first day back.”

“Did you go last week?”

“No.”

“Then it still can be. Come on.”

He stopped responding, hoping the man would give up. But the truck followed him all the way to the diner, and its driver inside and down the stairs. The place was mostly empty, save for a few older Serpents between jobs. He continued to ignore the man behind him and the stares he drew. He picked up a scraper and spray bottle and started on a bit of stubborn wallpaper. Keller followed suit, albeit a little further down the wall.

After over an hour, he could almost forget about his shadow, if he didn’t keep seeing him out of the corner of his eye.

“Place is already lookin pretty good, huh?”

He muttered an agreement before he remembered he wasn’t going to respond. Unfortunately, Keller seemed to take this as encouragement to continue.

“You know, I took another look at your files-“

“You said you weren’t trying to get me into trouble.”

“Your school file. You didn’t have the grades of a dropout.”

“Not exactly honor roll either.”

“High B average is nothing to be ashamed of. Especially in a school with limited resources.” Then, when he said nothing. “Also took a look at your medical file. Stitches. A whole lot of ‘em. Just before you stopped going to class regularly.” A moment’s pause. “Do you want to-“

“No.”

“Alright, alright. But if you want to talk about it sometime-“

“I don’t.”

~

He slept over at Betty’s and it almost felt like how things used to be. It was worse that way. It would have helped if they could have done something entirely different- if they could have talked about everything that had happened, or even something entirely new. But instead they curled up in a nest of blankets on her bedroom floor and watched _Some Like It Hot_ and _Rear Window_.

“I’m sorry it’s been me, me, me for so long.” She had her arms wrapped around his waist and her cheek was on his chest. Her voice sounded too small and weak to really be hers. “I know I haven’t been the greatest friend ever lately.”

“Things have been… insane.” He didn’t want to say it was okay because it wasn’t. But it also wasn’t her fault that she had dealt with a messy life in a messy way. “I’ve missed you.”

“Me too.” She was crying already. She cried a lot lately. “I just- I want us to be _normal_. All of us. I want to worry about my grades and finding you a date for the next dance. I just want things to be normal, so, _so_ bad.”

He let her cry on him and rubbed her back like his mother had when he was small.

“How’s your dad?”

It was the first time in a long while that she asked him a question about his own life and he appreciated the effort.

“He’s having a hard—” he stopped to correct himself— “ _we’re_ having a hard time with it. Dad’s such a rock, you know? And now he’s just a guy that screwed up his job. I don’t know that guy.”

“So you have to _get_ to know him, right?”

“Can we talk about something else? Maybe that thing Jughead does with his tongue?”

She let out a wet giggle and hugged him tighter.

“Sure.” A pause. “Speaking of that… did… you ever- I mean- did you and Joa-“

“Goodnight, Betty.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is kind of a fix-it, but don't lie- we all watched this dang show for the Drama(tm).

At around noon, Pop brought down lunch. He took as much as he could carry to one of the back booths and cleared off a place to eat. The former sheriff followed him and sat across the table.

“What do you do for money?”

He glanced up, not sure if he was being mocked.

“FP used to pay a stipend. Plus room and board at the Wurm.”

“And when you were away?”

“Washing dishes. Pitching boxes. You know.”

“And people thought it was alright to hire a sixteen-year-old for day work?”

He gave him a look over his burger. “Weren’t too bothered with ID, believe it or not.”

Keller nodded and worked his way through his fries.

“And now?”

“FP doesn’t mind me couch crashing. Serpents look after their own.” And FP was guilty for Jason, for Kevin, for San Junipero, and he wanted to make it better than what it was.

“So that’s it? That’s your plan for the rest of your life? Odd jobs and a couch in a trailer park?”

“I’m just trying to eat my burger, alright?”

They sat in silence for a time before Keller tried again.

“Alright, here’s the deal.” He mopped up the last of his ketchup on his plate. “I think you know I’m not going to leave you alone until you get yourself back to class. You don’t want me around you, but you don’t want back in school either. So how about a compromise?”

He stared at Keller, waiting for him to go on.

“Three days a week. That’s the short end of half your days. You go to class three days a week and I’ll talk to Weatherby about it, tell him you’re working to support yourself. It’s not technically a legal solution, but if it’s what we can get for you, I’ll take it.”

He stared for a few moments, the last of his burger in his slack hand.

“Why are you doing this?”

It seemed like Keller hadn’t been expecting this. Which he really should have, to be honest.

“I should have done it before. Took the whole mess the past few months to realize that I didn’t always do my job the way I should have. I stepped down, but I still want to make what I can right.”

He had to know about Kevin. That was the only explanation.

~

He’d almost completely forgotten about seeing Joaquin at the diner. He was glad to. He didn’t want to think about anything at all right now, and having him in the same town again made not thinking very hard. So it made Tuesday morning all the more difficult, to see him wandering down the hall, avoiding the eyes of anyone looking anywhere near him.

“What are you doing here?” He blurted it out. A wild part of him was convinced Joaquin was there just to see him.

“I’m…” he looked too taken aback to answer quickly. “Um- starting class up again. You know.” When he drew himself up to respond, Joaquin leaned in and lowered his voice. “Hey- don’t worry. I’m not going to bother you or anything.”

This, he hadn’t expected. He was taken aback enough that he hadn’t thought of his response in time. While he was still processing the flash encounter, he was standing alone at his locker.

“Oh my god-“ Betty was at his elbow. “I just walked by- was that Joaquin?”

“Yeah. He’s back.” He took his books out of the bottom of his locker.

“Wow…” she waited for him to finish with his things, nodding slowly. “That’s…”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.” She at least had the decency to pretend she was going to let this go. At least for a few seconds. “He’s still _adorable_.”

~

The first class wasn’t too bad. Principal Weatherby had clearly spoken to the teachers on the schedule he’d been handed, as the pinch-faced English teacher had barely bat an eye when he walked in. He got a few smiles from the Southside students, but mostly questioning looks from the Northside kids.

“Oh hey-“ the blond girl, Betty, eagerly moved her bag from the chair next to her and beamed in a forced sort of way at him. “Joaquin- do you want to sit here?”

“Sure.” He only agreed because she sat in the front far corner and he wasn’t looking forward to people shooting looks over their shoulders at him all class.

“We’re reading Shirley Jackson shorts right now.” She pulled a book out of her bag and passed it to him. “The Lottery is the quintessential. About the danger of keeping tradition just for the sake of it and also mob mentality.”

He nodded as she rattled off the material they would be covering. It felt foreign. Not just the school itself and the material, but a life in which this was the norm. That reading material and homework and locker combinations were something that mattered to his day to day life. The past year of his life felt like all he had ever known.

“So I’m guessing you’re staying- since you’re back in school.”

“Maybe. I dunno.”

She was quiet for a second as the rest of the class filtered inside and chattered.

“So… I don’t want this to be weird… but- just know there’s no hard feelings from Kevin’s friends. Things were messy, but we all liked you.”

“Oh… cool. Thanks.”

~

Nearly two months in, and still no one knew about Moose. He tried to rationalize the situation by thinking it was because of Midge. Because she had been nice. And he had been the one Moose had cheated with in the first place. And Midge always laughed at his jokes in biology and she was dead now. He’d felt guilty enough when she was alive but now she was dead and her mother was on suicide watch in prison because she’d shot a boy who had only kissed her daughter once.

But that wasn’t true. Or- it was, but it was the smallest of all the reasons. The real reason, the _largest_ reason, was that Moose needed it but was afraid and ashamed and it didn’t really matter what he was feeling in comparison. Moose needed to kiss and touch and anything else and he was the only one that would let him so that was what he was for.

He never brought up the possibility of going public- having an actual relationship. He knew the answer was no. But he also didn’t know if he wanted it. He didn’t want to think about the faces of everyone at school. Not just because he was dating Moose two months after Midge was killed. But because, in this scenario, he would be the accessory. In the narrative of the town, this would be the story about a callous move by the boy who dated someone he cheated with just after his girlfriend died. He was only the detail in the story of the tactless thing Moose was doing. When he imagined his life, he never wanted any aspect of it to be as an extra in someone else’s story.

The drinking turned to smoking because the gas station in Greendale didn’t ID him.

~

“Hey- Mopey McGee. You’re coming to a party tonight.”

He raised his eyebrows at Toni where she stood over his desk in Algebra on Thursday.

“I am?”

“Yup.” She hitched her bag up over her shoulder. “Weather’s getting nice so people are throwing a kegger down the river. Everyone’s going- North and Southside. Things are finally leveling out between everyone.”

His eyes flicked to the other side of the room before he could stop himself. Toni groaned.

“Oh come _on_. This is not _healthy_ , DeSantos. You can’t just keep avoiding social interaction on the off chance that your ex might exist in the same place as you.”

He waited until Kevin and Veronica had left before responding.

“I’m just trying not to mess things up for him. We were supposed to never see each other again.”

“Well too bad.” She grabbed his bicep and pulled him to his feet. “You skipped out on the main human experience of the high school breakup, and that’s having to see your ex every damn place you go. So now that it’s been delayed, it feels way worse than if you had stayed here in town after you two split. But the only way to get through this is exposure. You’re back in town, back in school, we’re _so_ close to getting you a normal life back.”

That seemed more than doubtful, but he let her drag him to the river anyway. She was right about everyone being there. But she had neglected the part he should have guessed: that Fangs and Sweetpea would already be halfway to blackout by the time they arrived, and that Toni herself would be latched to Cheryl’s lips like some kind of gross sea creatures that mated at the mouth.

So that was how he found himself in the dusk and firelight, only on his first beer, wishing he was much drunker as he stood next to the last person he wanted to see.

~

It didn’t seem so bad, talking to Joaquin once he was properly drunk. He’d thought they might be able to start something close to civil, but it couldn’t last.

“Hey- so… I- I wanted to talk to you about something.” Joaquin was fiddling with the label on his bottle and not looking at him. “Just- can we go for a walk or something?”

He really didn’t want to. Talking was one thing, but he didn’t want to be truly alone together. Moose was already too far gone to notice or care. But plenty of their friends were sober enough to keep shooting them significant looks.

“I guess.”

The air was still cold enough at night for their breath to show. He didn’t think it would be any better in the heat.

“I-so- I was just- I wanted to make sure I-“ he didn’t think he’d ever seen Joaquin this nervous. “I wanted to make sure I was the one to tell you-“

“Tell me what?” He was starting to catch his fidgeting. He pulled out his cigarette pack just to have something to do with his hands.

“What are you doing?”

“Hm?” He couldn’t find his lighter. He may have dropped it, his hands were a little stiff in the cold. “Do you have a light?”

Joaquin was giving him a very strange look.

“You don’t smoke.” This was a very stupid thing to say to someone with a cigarette in their mouth, really. “This isn’t you.”

It was something anyone who had ever met him might say. But coming from this particular person, today, when he was already feeling so distant from everyone he knew, he felt his stomach roil in anger.

“ _Excuse_ me?” He knew there was an unnecessarily cruel bite to his voice, but he couldn’t have stopped it if he wanted to. “In case it wasn’t _abundantly_ clear when you left, you don’t _know_ me. You never did. When we met, I was sick of being alone and you were just _there_.” He regretted saying it instantly, but didn’t stop. “Okay? You’re not someone who gets to tell me who I am or what I’m doing- you’re just someone who happened to be _around_ when I was lonely.”

He tried to ignore the utter shock and hurt in Joaquin’s eyes and turned his back on him to head back to the party and the firelight.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your lovely feedback!

Fangs came to the trailer in the afternoon on Friday and let himself in.

“You didn’t come to class.” He was already digging in the pantry for a snack pack. “Thought you were back.”

“I only agreed to three days a week. Went Tuesday through Thursday.” He tried not to check his phone too obviously. “I don’t have to go anywhere today.”

Fangs gave him a terribly sympathetic look from behind his pudding. “I mean- half the school was out “sick” today. I think Sweetpea is still pukin his guts out.”

“Can you not talk about puke while you eat pudding?”

“Kevin was gone too.”

He glared at Fangs. “Yeah?”

The taller boy crossed the living space and sat on the other side of the couch, kicking his feet up on the coffee table.

“Just wondering if he’s alright. He’s a nice guy.”

“And how would I know how he’s doing?”

“Saw you guys talking last night.”

He glared at the waggling eyebrows Fangs was shooting his way.

“Well you’re gunna have to ask _him_ how he’s doing.”

“Hey- I got shot, okay? I’ve been busy.”

This at least startled a laugh out of him. He couldn’t help but notice the knot of tension loosen from Fangs’s shoulders. A twinge of guilt twisted in his gut at the realization that his friends had likely been walking on eggshells around him.

“Fine. That’s fair.” He pressed his lips together. “You alright? I mean- yeah. You got _shot_.”

“Yeah.” Fangs was looking down at his hands, fiddling with his rings. “Yeah, I’m alright. Bruising is still hell, believe it or not.”

“No shit.”

“Yeah- I don’t even think about the actual hole, it’s the bruises that’s killing me.”

“Damn.”

It felt like they needed to say something, but he didn’t know what. They’d never been apart for any serious length of time. Once, Toni’s grandfather had taken her to Nevada for a family reunion, but that was only a week. People on the southside did not leave. And if they did, they didn’t come back. He felt like he’d lived past a terminal diagnosis. Like everyone he knew had mourned him and moved on, and now didn’t know how to deal with him walking around again.

~

Things ended with Moose in a properly quiet, yet devastating fashion. He didn’t decide to, and he didn’t know what started the conversation’s trajectory, but before he knew it, he was saying everything in the worst way he could and Moose was crying, but also looked like he wanted to hit him.

He left him behind the gym and cried in the truck all the way home. His father was in the kitchen and it looked like he was dressed for dinner with Mrs. McCoy.

“Kevin- wha-“

He crossed in a moment to wrap his arms around him and let himself drop his face into his shoulder. It should have been humiliating. He should be trying to get ahold of himself and pull away. But instead, he let himself cry out in his father’s shoulder like he was eight.

When he was finally done, he straightened up and wiped his face impatiently.

“I’m sorry- I- your shirt-“ he took a sniff and kept his eyes down. “Did you have a date?”

“Don’t worry about it, son.”

“You should- should call at least-“

“Are you okay? Did something happen?”

He shook his head, then nodded. “No- I mean- I just had a fight with someone from school. Not- nothing serious.”

“You sure?” His father kept trying to duck into his eyeline. “You’re okay?”

He nodded and forced himself to look up, offering a quick, close-lipped smile.

“Yeah. Um- call Sierra so she doesn’t get mad at you for being late.”

“I’m not going.”

“No- Dad-“

“I’m staying in. I’m tired. You want to put in a movie? Pop some corn?”

They put in _The Fellowship of the Ring_ and ate their way through what must have been about five servings of popcorn and rootbeer. It felt better. To laugh and talk, even if it wasn’t about the things he wanted to.

After, he lay in bed and tried to sleep, even with thoughts swirling in his head. After nearly an hour, he picked up his phone and texted Betty, hitting send before he could change his mind.

_Hey, are you up? Can I call you?_

His phone rang almost instantly after he hit send.

“Kevin- what’s up? Is everything okay?” There was urgency and anxiety in her voice, in a way that said she was still feeling guilty, and was afraid she hadn’t been there for something dire.

“Yeah- I mean- I just wanted to talk to you about something.” He took a breath and closed his eyes. “I uh- I’ve been seeing Moose. I broke things off today.”

~

On Monday, he spent the day at the diner again. A storm rolled in minutes before he was about to leave. It was comical, the way the sky opened right as he headed for the door.

The sheets of rain were near horizontal as he made his way down the road toward the main street. It was so heavy he didn’t hear the truck this time.

“Hey- get in.”

He rolled his eyes and only hesitated a moment before opening the passenger’s side door. Keller turned the heat up and flicked the vents toward him.

“Thought it would be more work to get you out of that rain. Where you headed?”

“Sunnyside.” He clenched his jaw to keep his teeth from chattering.

“Righto.” He shouldn’t have hoped for a silent drive, as Keller would never allow that. “So I hear from Weatherby you went to class last week.”

He hummed in agreement.

“But only Tuesday through Thursday.”

“Deal was three days a week.” That was only partially true. He had planned on going Friday as well, but after running into Kevin at the river, couldn’t bring himself to.

“You got me there.” A pause. “Now, I’ll remind you I’m not in the department anymore, so this isn’t an official question, but I couldn’t help but notice the address on file from when the department tried to talk to your parents. An apartment down on 8th.”

“Yeah, and?”

“So it seems like you’re not living at home right now.” When he said nothing, Keller went on. “I know a lot of kids in trouble at home join the gangs. But I just want to make sure you have someplace safe to sleep.”

“I’m fine.” He didn’t know why he kept talking. Maybe all the energy from suppressing his shivering had to be released somehow. “They left. My parents.”

“Left town? Without you?” Keller was clearly trying to keep his voice level. “That… seems unusual.”

“Well, I was already kicked out by then.”

Half of him wanted to punch the teeth in of whoever had possessed him to say any of this. The other half was reveling in the adrenaline rush of saying any of it out loud to a veritable stranger.

“Can I ask-“

“Came out. When I was 15.”

Silence. He was starting to consider the bizarre possibility that Keller didn’t actually know about Kevin.

“I can’t imagine…” there was something strained in his voice, like he was struggling to control it. “Thinking love and support for your child is _optional_.”

He didn’t know what to say to this, and found himself praying for a crash or some kind of distraction. Unfortunately, as they neared the train tracks, the striped arm lowered, red and orange lights flashing.

~

He went home directly after school for once and didn’t do anything at all. It was raining terribly. It felt strange and numb, to not do something he shouldn’t. To not kiss a boy who never wanted anyone to know about it. Or drink the whiskey in the back of his father’s cabinet. Or smoke out in the backyard and flush the butts down the toilet. He just laid in bed, starting at the ceiling. It felt both good and strange, to turn his mind off. To let his thoughts wander through everything that had been happening lately. Moose and Betty. His father and Fangs. Veronica and Josie and Archie and everyone he’d ever called a friend. He felt so far away from all of them. Like he’d never known any of them at all and was only now shedding his naivety about them. He knew it wasn’t fair. Knew it was really just his father he was being disillusioned with. But he couldn’t help but shift some of the hurt and suspicion onto everyone else.

His phone rang and he didn’t answer it. He let it buzz until the person gave up, then ignored the subsequent texts. Part of him wanted to get up and accomplish something, but before he knew it, he was asleep.

~

It had to be the longest train in the whole world. He wasn’t sure what prospect was worse: Keller staying silent, or continuing to talk.

“When my son came out to me, he was ten. He said he was going to marry the guy from Panic! At the Disco.”

This startled a laugh out of him. He tried to fight it down, but the sudden snort was far too obvious.

“It’s true. He was ten and I knew it might not mean anything, but he never had to have a big coming out after that. He got to just talk about boys and things casually, and we just got to transition from this little kid saying funny things to a young man who wasn’t interested in dating girls.”

“And I was just a dumb kid who was on such a high from kissing a guy for the first time I thought things would be okay if I opened my big mouth.” He didn’t have the energy to fight down the words now. He watched the cars of the train blur by through the rainy windshield. “I thought I could just say it and they’d be surprised, but things wouldn’t really change.”

Keller waited for him to go on, and when he didn’t, cleared his throat.

“They ever hit you before then?”

“Not like that.”

They sat in silence as the last of the train rattled past and stripped arm slowly lifted.

“You know why I’m buggin you?”

He hadn’t been expecting this question. He shook his head.

“It’s because the worst parts of abuse and neglect cases is that… you know the people hurting the victim are the ones that were supposed to protect them.” They were getting near the trailer park. “And… recently… I realized I was guilty of neglect myself. Just because I didn’t know the kids I was hurting, doesn’t mean I wasn’t guilty.”

He had no idea what to say to this. Luckily, Keller didn’t seem to expect an answer. He pulled to the side of the road at the gate of the trailer park and reached into his pocket.

“Listen- just humor me and take my card. I just want to know that if you need something- you’ll call. Any time. No questions asked, I’ll answer. I don’t care if you’re stoned in a strip club, you need a safe ride, you call.”

“Right.” He took the card and slipped it into his pocket. Thanks for the ride.”


	5. Chapter 5

The missed call and texts were Moose. It was apparent from the extensive voicemail that he was both very drunk and crying.

 _“I just- I’m sorry. I’m not sorry about- about everything- I mean- not everything- because I know you said- said stuff you didn’t mean. I mean- I_ hope _you didn’t mean it. That- that would make you kind of- you know- it doesn’t matter what we said- right? It’s not- It just- I’m sorry- fuck. I’m sorry and I want to see you-“_

The texts were more of the same. He tried to consider what the best way to respond was and what he actually wanted to say. And how they were different. Part of him wanted to be cruel and petty. To say he didn’t regret anything he’d said and that Moose could die for all he cared. But it wasn’t true. And even if it was, Moose didn’t deserve it. For all his sins, Moose only deserved half the bitterness and scorn he was feeling right now.

He settled on one text. A mature, calm response to the situation that Betty proofread and gave her stamp of approval to.

_Hope you’re okay. Need some space to cool off._

He’d originally had a petty line about needing some patience, but Betty said, given the circumstances, now was not the time. He was glad he’d told her everything. About Moose, but also about his father, and the awful things he’d said to Joaquin at the river, but mostly about Moose. She listened and reacted with empathy bordering on inappropriate enthusiasm, but he understood and appreciated her eagerness to be there for him.

He left his phone on the bed while he did homework, trying to ignore it when it buzzed. Once. Then two more times five minutes later. Groaning, he got up and picked up the phone to check what tangent Moose was now on. But there was only one message from Moose.

_Okay- thanks, Kev._

The other two were from a number he had been going to delete for the past few months, but kept putting it off.

_Hey- sorry- but I just wanted to say your dad’s been talking to me. Not about you- just about my file._

_Just didn’t want you to find out from someone else and for it to be weird._

He stared at the message, trying to decide what he was feeling. Anger? Maybe. Possibly hurt. Mostly he wished he didn’t know and either never found out, or found out from anyone else so he could lash out at Joaquin for keeping it a secret. It felt good sometimes, to focus his anger and frustrations about everything in life at one source. It would be so much easier to keep hating Joaquin if he kept fucking things up. It was hard to be angry with someone who was handing things maturely.

He scrolled up, despite himself, to reread old texts under that number. The first ones were awkward and bold and flirtatious- filled with false bravado on both ends as they made plans to see one another in secret. Then the slightly more hesitant, sweet ones as they both admit they’d told their friends about one another. The plans for things closer to real dates. Burgers at Pops and movies in Greendale and just meeting anywhere they could kiss and touch and just be together. After that, there was the short period where their texts were mostly a catalog of his father’s work schedule- listed out as invitations.

He shouldn’t have read any of it. Shouldn’t have reminded himself what it had been like. It only made him feel stupid and vulnerable enough to respond.

_Thanks. Appreciate the heads up._

~

He regretted texting Kevin, even after the response. It took too long to fall asleep with the feeling that hit him in the stomach when he’d seen the reply notification. And now he had to go to class and ignore the tiny spark of hope the reply had ignited. Now he had to sit in the algebra classroom, trying not to notice the boy on the other side of the room.

“Where’s Fogarty?” He genuinely wanted to know, was even concerned. But it came out harsh and snappish. Toni raised her eyebrows at the tone. “Sorry.”

“Getting his wisdom teeth out. He left halfway through English yesterday.” She gave him what was, objectively, a very judgey look. “Which you would have known if you had come to class. Or talked to anyone at _all_ yesterday.”

Her tone was a little too scolding for his tastes, but he sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“I had a rough day, alright?” He glanced at the door to make sure Kevin hadn’t arrived yet. “Keller stalkin me again.”

She let out a long, low whistle. “DeSantos… do you just _step_ in trouble? Hm? Just to track it into my _sphere_ of awareness?”

“Hey, I don’t like it either, okay?” He pulled out his notebook as the last of the students filtered in. “If it were up to me, I would have never met him.”

“Well, you did.” She paused and rolled her eyes. “And I guess I’m glad you did. He got you coming back to class.”

He looked up, surprised. But before he could think of anything to say, the door had closed and the teacher had begun the lesson. He was able to turn his brain off for most of the class, until the teacher instructed them to split into pairs.

~

“Since Mr. Fogarty and Miss Lodge are out of class today, Mr. Keller, Mr. DeSantos- you can pair up together for the time being.”

Of course. Of course this would happen. Because his life was just one big joke. Of course there was no reason this _wouldn’t_ happen.

He got up and took his things to the other side of the room. Joaquin looked too stunned to do anything but move his things over slightly.

“Uh-“

“Let’s just… get this over with, alright? I’m okay with equations, so…”

“Yeah. Yeah, me too.”

They worked in silence while the class around them chattered and argued over the assignment. He was just thinking they could get through this with minimal interaction when the teacher loomed over their table.

“Be sure to check one another’s work, boys.”

They both nodded and waited for the balding man to move on before saying anything at all.

“So- you’re done too? You want to switch? Or…”

“Yeah. Yeah- that’s good.”

They swapped papers and compared work.

“You got… I have 12 for the third one.”

“Yeah- oh but- uh- that’s a negative one. Not positive.”

“Oh- you’re right.”

He kept watching the clock. There was no way it had only been eight minutes.

“Hey, I-“

“I didn’t tell-“

They both winced and he sat back while Joaquin ran a hand through his hair. Which was still far too distracting to be happening right next to him. He had to know what that could do to a guy- he just had to.

“I was just going to say…” he started slowly, in order to avoid another overlap. “I haven’t- Dad doesn’t know about you. Me and you, I mean. I mean- if he does know, it’s not from anything I”ve said. As far as I know, he doesn’t know we know each other.”

Joaquin was quiet for a few moments. “Yeah. Same. I haven’t… haven’t mentioned that I met you.”

“So- it’s just coincidence.” He said, forcing himself to sound brisk. “Him tracking you down. And that’s that.”

“Yeah.”

They finished comparing their pages too quickly. He tapped his pencil against the table, willing the teacher to start up the lesson again.

“It- it’s nice, you know. That you’ve got an alright Dad.”

He didn’t know what to say to this. It seemed a stupid thing to say to anyone, really. But an especially stupid thing to say to him.

“What- you know better than that.”

Joaquin blinked at him, then his brows drew together. “What’re you talking about?”

He sighed and sat back in his seat. “What- what Sweetpea said. About… Southside kids in trouble not getting investigated. He was right. My dad… the whole department just sees some people as statistics.”

“So he’s a shit cop.”

“Yeah.” Even though he’d already thought this, his throat tightened as he agreed. “A shit cop.”

“But a good dad.”

“So?” He didn’t know why this was making him angry. A month ago, he would have agreed with the statement, regardless of who said it. “So what? What do you care?”

This seemed to be enough to end the thread of their conversation. They returned to the tense silence of before. The clock continued to tick, far too slowly. And still, the teacher did not resume the lesson. They would be nearing the end of the class soon.

“I wanted to, you know.”

He finally looked back over. Joaquin wasn’t looking at him, but at his hands on the desk as he fiddled with his pencil.

“What?”

A sigh and another hand through his hair. “You said we don’t really know each other. I guess that’s true. But I wanted to. I wanted to know you.”

He didn’t know what to say to this, and only swallowed a few times.

“Not sure you ever wanted that.”

Before he could say anything in response to this, the bell rang.

~

He didn’t know what possessed him to say it. He regretted it hours later, in Fangs’ apartment, sprawled out on the couch, staring at his phone.

“What’s up man? Who you texting?”

“No one.” Which was true. He wasn’t texting. Just reading old messages. If he was going to handle all of this terribly, he might as well go full crazy ex on the situation.

“Do I know him?”

He glared at Fangs for the forced innocent levity in his voice.

“It’s not anyone. Calm down.”

“Sure, so it’s not anyone…” Fangs got up and crossed slowly past him. “Totally get it.”

He should have seen it coming, but he was too distracted reading the messages from Kevin, nearly six months ago, inviting him to a party to meet all of his friends. While he was remembering what it had felt like to have to set his phone down for a few minutes to calm down before replying, Fangs made a grab.

“You-“ he lept up and caught the back of his friend’s shirt, dragging him back. “Bastard!”

“Why you care if I see if you’re not talkin to anybody?” Fangs tried to twist out of his grip. “Just let me see!”

He gave up on a dignified defense and jumped onto Fangs’s back, bringing them both down to the carpet.

“Shit!”

“Give it!”

“Offa me!”

“Baby, I’m home!”

They both froze as Fangs’s mother stuck her head around the doorway from the kitchen.

“Oh- hi Joaquin. It’s good to see you.”

“Hey  _Tía_  .” He cleared his throat, one elbow in Fangs’s shoulder blade and his other hand gripping his wrist. “Did you cut your hair? Looks cute.”

She laughed and shook her head. “Play nice, boys. Chili for dinner.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience during spotty update schedules! You guys are the best for all your kind encouragement.

“Okay. So I think we’re all caught up.”

He’d waffled back and forth on telling Veronica. But when he broached the subject with Betty, she’d jumped at the idea. Part of him felt like the two of them needed another project to fix together. Their friendship had been through so much in the past few months and he knew they were both desperate to rebuild and repair. He just wished he wasn’t the catalyst.

But maybe that wasn’t fair. He knew this was just how the two of them best knew what it meant to care. Their respective family disfunctions left them with manic needs to care and fix and the more they could do both together, the better. But it didn’t mean it was always what he or others needed.

Veronica ticked off each detail on her fingers as she listed them.

“So… you and Moose have been lowkey hooking up for awhile now. And not only is Joaquin back, but for reasons totally unrelated to you two and your history, your dad has been talking to him. You broke up with Moose and he took it hard. You also said a bunch of stuff you didn’t mean to Joaquin, who avoided you like the plague until you two were forced to work together in class when I was out. Then he said he didn’t think you were all that concerned with him as a person, even when you were dating. And now you’re having a whole personal crisis because life sucks and you’re stuck in the middle of it all.”

“Yeah.”

“That’s… actually kind of sweet.”

He frowned at Betty and she shrugged, not bothering to look sheepish.

“What? I mean- your dad. He took it seriously when you were disappointed in him and is making an effort to do better. And bonus: he’s doing so by helping out someone else you care about. Which is great because now Joaquin might actually graduate. He’s actually sort of brilliant, by the way. I proofed his paper on The Possibility of Evil and honestly- can’t look at that story the same way again.”

Now even Veronica was giving her a look, so she held up her hands. “Not relevant. Just saying- it’s good he’s back in school. And not only that- _two_ different people are bettering themselves because you stood up for something, Kevin. That’s a win.”

He couldn’t help it, he smiled. Betty certainly had a way of spinning things. But he forced it down a moment later, shaking his head.

“I mean- that’s all great. But I’m still left with the same thing: no one in my life is who I thought they were.”

“Oh come on.”

He and Betty both looked up at Veronica’s tone. She dipped her straw up and down, mixing her milkshake more evenly.

“What? Tough love time. We all know no one’s perfect. Yeah, your dad internalized some messed up stuff and let it effect his job. And yeah, me and Betty kinda dropped the ball as friends for the last few months. But we are _sorry_. And based on his actions, your dad is sorry too. And I know it freaked you out finding out about the whole story about Joaquin helping with Jason’s body- but you _knew_ he was in a gang.”

“So I deserved the accessory to murder that I got, huh?” He wasn’t even really angry, he just felt he should be sticking up for himself.

“That’s not what I’m saying at all.” Veronica did not even entertain his sullen protest. “I’m saying you went into things knowing he wasn’t perfect, but you saw something worthwhile in him anyway. So you get how we’re not all black and white. And not to argue the point further, but Joaquin thought FP had _murdered_ someone. He could have handled some things better- we all could. But at some point, you have to be able to let the people you care about off the hook when they’re trying to do better.” She pressed her lips together a moment before going on. “And that includes yourself.”

He mulled this over, considering whether or not to be angry. He thought it would be justified if he was. Life had been a mess, like she said, and he really wasn’t in the mood for anyone’s tough love.

But he sighed. The truth was, despite what he’d initially thought, it was much more exhausting to cut people out of his life than to wade through the mess with them.

“How do I even- where do I start?”

~

“How’s school going?”

He’d gotten so used to Keller’s presence it didn’t really annoy him anymore. He was going to class full time now, despite himself. But he still spent much of his weekend hours working in the basement of Pop’s. It felt productive- and like the connecting point between his life before and his life now. Keller wasn’t always there, but often enough that the serpents no longer blinked on seeing him among them.

“Fine.”

“Jesus I didn’t ask anything personal- you can give me more than that.” When he didn’t respond, Keller finished his sandwich and wiped his hands on a napkin. “If you’re having trouble, I could get you together with my son. He’s a good study, and sometimes it helps to have a partner.”

He nearly choked at the mention of Kevin. He managed to keep his calm and finished his bite of French fry.

“No- I’m… doin alright.” He cleared his throat and kept his eyes down. “Just- don’t know what there is to say. Not used to talking about school and all that.”

“You join any clubs or teams?”

He flicked his eyes up and raised his brows. It seemed like a stupid thing to ask. Especially since it’d been getting warmer and at present, his tshirt bared the tattoo on his forearm, lying on the table between them. Keller seemed to notice what he was thinking and shook his head slightly.

“Well then what are we going to talk about?”

“You’re the one that wants to talk so bad.”

“Alright…” he nodded slowly. “Alright. So you know I quit the force. Joined up with the park rangers, actually. It’s alright, but sometimes I wish I was working cases instead of chasing stoner kids off the war monument.” He paused a moment before going on. “Mostly just worried about my kid. You know us old guys- we like to think our children look up to us. So it’s been hard on the both of us.”

He had no idea what to say to this. It didn’t seem real- talking to Keller about Kevin. Talking without Keller knowing about everything that connected them.

“I worry about him.”

“He’ll be alright. He’s smart- and tough.” The words were out before he could stop them. He’d gotten so used to Keller’s presence, he was talking like he had nothing to hide. He forced himself to continue eating, keeping his eyes down while Keller blinked at him.

“You know Kevin?”

He tried to keep his shrug casual. “In a couple of my classes. Seen him tell off a couple guys givin shy girls a hard time after class.”

Keller seemed satisfied with this.  He hummed in amusement. “That sounds about right.” A pause. “It’s interesting. Hearing someone from school talk about him. He has friends, of course. I know them. But one of his peers just commenting on what he’s like?” He smiled and shook his head. “It’s something else. I like that’s how people see him.”

He hated that Keller was being this honest with him. He would never talk to him like this if he knew.

~

Thinking about his father’s bewildering conversations with Joaquin resulted in far too many thoughts. He was trying to drink less, but that only meant that he spent more time laying in bed, staring at the ceiling. He tried not to think about it, but eventually gave in to thinking about the night after Jughead’s failed surprise party.

_“Shit- shit!”_

_“What-“_

_“My dad’s home.” In an instant, he’d jumped out of bed and started to scramble to collect and sort through their clothes. “Uh- quick-“ he tossed Joaquin’s jeans and jacket onto the bed._

_He swore and pulled them on as quickly as he could. “I thought you said-“_

_“He must have gotten off early.” He couldn’t help it, he laughed at the image of his boyfriend scrambling to tug on his jeans and shirt. “It’s okay- just- hide….”_

_Unfortunately, his closet wasn’t a viable option. It was narrow and stuffed full of his clothes. He cast about for a space large enough, but Joaquin was already opening the window._

_“What are you-“_

_“I’m outta here.” He grinned and hesitated just a moment, kissing him fast, but hard, before starting to climb out the window. “Just play it cool, alright?”_

_“You’re an idiot.”_

_“Yeah.”_

_He tried not to laugh as Joaquin carefully climbed out onto the roof of the porch, hugging the side of the house to keep from falling down the steep slope. Moments later, there was a knock on his bedroom door._

_“Yeah?”_

_“Just me.” His father stuck his head into the room. “Everything okay?”_

_“Yeah. You’re back early.”_

_“Yeah, Miller wanted some OT so I told him to take my patrol.”_

_“Cool.”_

_“Your window open?”_

_His stomach clenched, but he shrugged. “Yeah- was just working out on a study break. Worked up a sweat.”_

_“Good man. Don’t be up too late.”_

_He was about to leave when he paused. “Those new boots?”_

_He opened his mouth, then closed it as he tried to think of a way to explain the heavy Harley Davidson’s on his bedside rug._

_“Uh- no… um… Archie picked them up at Goodwill and thought they might fit me, but they’re too small.”_

_“Oh- too bad. Look sturdy.”_

_“Yeah.”_

_He waited until he heard the TV turn on downstairs before sticking his head out the still-open window._

_“My dad likes your boots.”_

_“Shut up.”_

_Joaquin kissed him again, leaning half in the window and tugging on his belt to keep him close. He didn’t think he’d ever wanted someone to stay so bad, not even his mother. The kiss lingered long, despite the chill of the fall night._

_“Now give me my boots.”_

_“You’re not going to climb down.”_

_“Well I’m sure as hell not going out the front door.”_

_“You could stay.”_

_He was glad he said it, even though it was a bad idea. No one ever looked at him the way Joaquin did. Part of him didn’t think anyone ever would._

Joaquin didn’t stay, but even now, he still thought of it as one of the best nights off his life.

~

He avoided Cheryl as much as he possibly could. Toni knew why, and kept trying to talk about it.

“You don’t have to tell her if you don’t want to.” She said it like he would ever desire to say a word to the girl. “You keep looking at her like you’re expecting her to ask about it or something.”

“Thanks a lot.” Maybe he sounded sharper and more irritable than he needed to.

“Well you’ve put me in a weird position.” She dropped onto the bleachers next to him, tossing her paper lunch sack at her feet. “You’re my friend, who got wrapped up with something horrifying, which is bad enough. But then the horrible thing involves my girlfriend and something she went through. So what do I do? Is talking about it and trying to dredge it all up going to be healing for you two? Or make things way worse? Or is it going to be good for one of you and not the other? It’s a damn mess. I have no idea what to do.”

“You don’t have to do anything.” He didn’t smoke, not regularly anyway. But this was a conversation that made him want a cigarette more than anything. Just to have something to do with his hands- a way to occupy his mouth and give an excuse for pauses. “I’m… I’m gunna tell her.”

She was looking at him, long and hard. He tried to ignore it, but Toni’s wide brown eyes made his skin prickle with guilt and unease. When he couldn’t pretend to be interested in a flock of birds on he other side of the football field, he turned his gaze back to her, jaw set.

“You don’t want me to.”

“I…” she was choosing her words carefully. Toni was good at this kind of thing, and when he wasn’t feeling like he was about the throw up, he would appreciate her care. “I don’t know what I want. Except what’s best for the people I care about. And like I said, I don’t know what that is this time. So I’m sorry, DeSantos. If you wanted me to talk you in or out of anything, I can’t help you. You’re on your own with this one.”

“Yeah, typical.”

She didn’t entertain his moody response for a moment. “Don’t be a bitch. You know me and the boys got your back.”


End file.
